Inconvenient Samaritan

well, hello!

This semester AJ and I have the wonderful opportunity to take a New Testament class together (and i loooooove having class with him). This class has been incredible and has helped me grow significantly in my understanding of the scriptures.  and boy, do i love it. i love going to class each tuesday and thursday and being able to feel the spirit as we listen to sister platt. 

Anyways, Sister Platt has asked us to do a project titled the "Inconvenient Samaritan." The premise is this: service is not meant to be convenient. Service should come as some kind of sacrifice, whether physical, financial, or psychological. She asked us to look inward and determine a plan to serve more effectively and, hopefully, inconveniently.

So, thus I begin a two week period of conscious service. I plan to post my experiences each day to track my efforts.

today.
Today has been incredible. I started my two-week process by searching for something uplifting to post on Facebook and then reading a General Conference talk that ties along with it.

You might be wondering... grace, this is not inconvenient in any way! But it really is for me. Today's gospel message takes me out of my comfort zone and pushes me a little bit to share with others the things that make me the most happy. Oftentimes I don't want to share the gospel with others because I am afraid of how others react. While I thought if a way for me to do this project I realized, why should i be worried about how people will react if i am taking time to share happiness and sunshine? 

and thus begins my search. 

In my search I found a talk by M. Russell Ballard entitled, Be Anxiously Engaged. It talks a lot about service and how sometimes it feels like the things we do aren't enough. i experience those feelings a lot. So when it feels like my miniscule efforts for service are too little to matter, Elder Ballard reminds us that even the small acts of service add up and we will never know how much they contribute to the whole. In a hive of honey bees, each 1/12 of a teaspoon of honey is necessary to build up the hive's whole store. Just like honey bees, each person's efforts to service are desperately needed to add up to the world becoming a better place.

this makes me want to serve more. When I feel insignificant, I need to remember that it is not my job to single-handedly change the world. Instead I can work with others to make sure good things happen everyday.

i think i just found a new motto...
make good things happen every day.

i can do that.

c:
much love,
g

This Widget is SO Awesome I Don't Even Need to Describe It! Just Watch the Video!

Just an Ounce of Gratitude...

Sometimes I get down on myself for not posting more... but then I come to days like this and remember that the reason I post isn't to simply update on anything; I post to express the most inconceivable emotions and hopefully figure them out through words on a screen. 

it usually works, trust me!

Today has been marvelous! I sat next to AJ in a pew at church and thought to myself, i am the luckiest girl alive. I have no complaints about today- it was perfect!

I felt the Spirit really teach me today! I have been yearning for a cry-for-the-full-3-hours kind of Sunday and, man- today was it! i am taking this moment to apologize to my fellow pums12th ward members for my shameless tear ducts! this is not the last time... fair warning. Everything that was shared was exactly what I needed to hear, and it just makes me all the more grateful for my Heavenly Father who really paid attention to that need and allowed my need to be filled. 

after writing a paragraph and deleting it due to a major feeling of disconnect, i have decided:

i am not going to bore you with details of how i felt during each meeting... 

instead, i will share my testimony and

 hopefully then this restless feeling will pass and i will get to take a nap.

I really know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who loves me and cares for me more than I could ever deserve. I am blessed with the ability to walk, hear, smell, see, feel, and know what is going on around me. I will be forever grateful for those foundational qualities of my life. My God has blessed me with so many things and sometimes all I can think is: who am i to deserve this? 

who am i to deserve to see the fire-like sunset that took my breath away?

who am i to deserve it when my little niece waves and giggles when she sees me?

who am i to deserve to feel so much love from my husband. he is so kind to me- what have i ever done to deserve that?

who am i to deserve wonderful opportunities for growth; doors that keep opening up at my heels. i have rarely been stressed about my future... why me?

who am i to deserve delicious food and friends that make me grin from ear to ear?

who am i to deserve the promise of eternity... made possible by a Brother, Savior, and Friend.

I am so grateful for everything I have ever been blessed with. My heart is overflowing with gratitude right now... so much that it hurts!  

who am i to deserve to know my Savior? 

I long for others to feel this feeling. This pure gratitude and overwhelming, tangible sense of reliance on Christ. I am so grateful for my understanding of the Plan of Salvation! I ache for those around me to be happy... to know that there is good in the world and to have something...to have eternity... to hope for. I yearn to find ways to help someone feel an ounce of love; a small something to remind them of the pure love that Heavenly Father knows for each one of us. 

oh what joy, as gratitude fills my heart! 

I don't know if I have said all that needs to be said... but my mind and heart are satisfied knowing that I have taken this ounce of time to share my emotions. 

with (so much deep, enveloping, heart-felt) love,

g

"It All Starts Here": Our Engagement Story

This is what I wrote the night that Austin Hamner Jr. asked me to marry him. this story warms my heart C:


sunday   1.22.2012
today has been surreal. i don't know if i can properly put it into words... but here i go...

This morning during Church, Bishop Radmall announced that the Temple Preparation class was starting today. I asked him if it would be alright if I went- seeing as I would be engaged within the next couple weeks. Bishop could see how excited I was and said that it would be more than okay if I attended the class. It was wonderful. I gained a lot about my role as a child of God.

After Church, Laura (my roommate) and my home teachers came over! This was a huge blessing because I haven't been home taught since April 2011. I felt very blessed because of their diligence.

Then AJ and I went to AJ's Aunt Vivian and Uncle Louie's home for dinner. We decided on the way to their house that afterwards, we would drive to the Provo Temple and walk around. Dinner was amazing and it was so much fun to spend time with everyone!

While we were there, AJ asked me if he could wear my CTR [choose the right] ring. I didn't want to give it to him because I thought that he would lose it! But he insisted, so I let him keep it. i actually was kind of frustrated because i really didn't want him to lose it- and i was sure that i would have to go buy another one! 

Well, we left and drove up to the Provo Temple. The gates were closed- so we parked on the east side of the Temple (uphill) and looked out from above. AJ wanted to get out and walk around and I said something along the lines of, aj, i am wearing ridiculously tall, open-toed high heels and a skirt. it is freezing outside and there is snow on the ground. you will have to carry me across the snow.  He agreed and swooped me into his arms.

We looked out at the valley and the Temple and AJ said, "Grace, it all starts here." i was completely oblivious to what was about to happen because i knew he didn't have the ring. and so i definitely missed this clue. We talked about some other things, and hugged while we did so. I could feel his heart beating really hard- and he was breathing nervously... and this is the first time that i thought that maybe, maybe he would propose. I justified myself out of thinking that he was going to do it because: he didn't have the ring, it was completely random to propose today, and there was no way that he would kneel in the snow. After I let the proposal idea leave my mind, I felt AJ's hands fidget behind my back. I thought, so... he's taking off the ring....... but I still hadn't completely put it all together. He said something about how he wanted to have the real ring, but he just couldn't wait-

and then he got down on one knee
in the snow
and asked me to marry him.

C:

I was shocked. Literally speechless! But after a few moments of speechless exuberance, I managed to formulate "yes." I kissed him and we laughed together and he said, wait... you said yes, right? Silly boy, I laughed and replied of course! Then he swooped me into what I thought was a dip, but he just set me in the snow! I cried, aj, what in the world! it is freezing!  and he said, well, i thought i might as well do something crazy! As if proposing to me wasn't crazy enough!

He pulled me up and I pretended that there was something in my shoe. I reached down, grabbed a handful of snow and chucked it at him. We had a mini snow fight and then he put my CTR ring on my finger. He said, i am the luckiest man in the world. and I said, i'm the happiest girl in the world.

We got in the car and that is when it really hit me. I started crying because I felt so grateful. I never thought that gratitude would be the most prominent feeling when I got engaged- yet here I am overflowing with gratitude. I told AJ some of the reasons why I am so grateful. The Spirit was definitely there.

We called my family and his family and then went over to Spencer and Ashley Anne's home to tell them the news! AA and Spence got out the video camera and recorded us telling the story! i am so grateful for their foresight. and don't worry- i will put it up when i can! 

now that i have written what happened- it is time to write how i am feeling...

I am amazed- It is wonderful and beautiful to me that AJ, the man of my dreams, chose me. I am so grateful that he saw some kind of potential in me and decided to grab my hand and take a leap of faith with me. I feel at peace, like everything is going to be better than I can imagine. I feel happy! I can't stop smiling- I truly feel like a queen! He is so loving and kind to me. I am so grateful.

I am so grateful for my loving Heavenly Father who trusts me enough to give me such a beautiful life. I have more blessings than I can count- and I am amazed that despite my undeserving nature, He gives them to me anyways. My testimony is strong in my God and I know that He loves me.

I wish I was more eloquent right now... but all I can say is that the Spirit confirmed to me many times that this is right. I have seen AJ's potential and I am excited to stand with him throughout eternity. Gratitude for AJ and for my Heavenly Father fills my heart and I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

it all starts here...
and i can't wait. 

much love,
Grace [soon-to-be] Hamner

I Thank My Heavenly Father for Days Like These.

warning: at this point, i have no idea what path this post will take. i have a feeling that this is a way for me to process the way i am feeling right now- and in that case it will most likely have a confusing beginning, thoughtful midsection, and a testimony-bearing conclusion. however, it could also be a random mess of words on a screen. if you get to the end and think "man this was a waste of time," i can sleep peacefully knowing that i gave you fair warning.

I feel compelled to write this. Almost as strongly as I felt to write in August- and when I feel this way, the words flow naturally; the thoughts run effortlessly from my brain through my arms and fingers and transmit onto the computer screen with each key I press. So here I go...

i feel unsettled.

I just finished watching the movie The Help with my family (excellent movie, by the way. i would recommend it to anyone) and I can't help but halt at the way I am feeling right now. The movie is an inspiring and beautiful story about the Civil Rights movement, and I am sure that most people finish the movie and watch the credits with a sense of resolve and peace knowing that racial equality won. why am i not like most people? Yet unlike the majority, I sat silent and watched the white text pop onto the screen with a sense of emptiness clinging in my heart. Not twenty minutes later, I feel lonely and sad as I sit here and cry on the bunk-bed from my childhood.

sometimes you just need to cry for no reason...
sometimes there is a reason.

Tonight I feel two emotions that leave a trail of salty tears on my cheeks: the first, sympathy and the second, gratitude. let me begin with the first. 


I have always felt a deep connection to other people's emotions. For example: when a friend tells me happy news, I get so excited that it would seem as though the great thing was happening to me. Additionally, I cry when something even remotely sad happens to... anyone...including movie characters. I don't think that I have seen a movie that I haven't cried in for at least a couple months. This character trait has been prominent since I was a little girl. seriously, i bawled through the movie air bud the first time i saw it. That is one reason why I am so unsettled tonight- the emotions in the movie were so real to me. I felt as though each story the women relayed cut straight to my heart and helped me feel a tiny but of their pain.

Now, you may be sitting there and thinking, grace, honey, those characters in the movie are not real people. the movie was based on a fiction novel- don't worry about it. But that is where you are wrong. Those stories aren't false, they are true... for somebody. For some poor maid, mechanic, bus driver, son or daughter those stories of hate and prejudice are all that he/she ever knew. People were and still are born and raised in this country, my country, that never know anything but crude names and dirty looks on the street. For anyone, past or present, that has known some kind of rejection based on color, social status, disability, weight, religion, etc... my heart goes out to you. i am so sorry. Sometimes I live in this perfect bubble of happiness and daisies where I rarely think about the emotional suffering  going on all around this world.

Today I was awakened to a desire to do more.

I resolve to smile and say hello to as many people on the street as I can.
I resolve to look people in the eyes- beautiful eyes of green, blue, brown, grey, etc.- and silently say to them you are my equal.
I resolve to slow down a little in order to have more time to seek out and fulfill the needs of others.
I resolve to learn more of Christ and how He loved in order to apply those same qualities and that same attitude into my life.
I resolve to be happy and to lift other people's burdens by sharing that happiness without hesitation.

...without days like these, lives wouldn't change. 

i thank my Heavenly Father for days like these. 

I am so grateful for my life and my health. I am grateful that I have the ability to consciously choose to live a better life. I am grateful that I know who I am, a daughter of God, and I am grateful that I can share that testimony with others. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to help others see that life is meant to be enjoyed...

i resolve to be the kind of person that everyone feels comfortable connecting with. if anyone feels completely alone, i hope they can feel peace knowing that there is someone on this earth that cares. i may not know the situation (or even the person)... but i care. 

More than anything an average girl like me can do, there is something more. A lesson I learned early in my life is that there is a loving, kind Father in Heaven that cares. His compassion can do more for us than we will ever be able to comprehend. So when you feel alone, you can think of little old Grace that cares for you or you can think of the God that knows you better than anyone and can bring peace more fully and quickly than anyone.

well, i feel settled now. i am going to go to sleep.

much love,
g 

Happily Ever After Will Happen

It has been a stressful week: with a 12 page research paper, 18 hours of work, and 12 hours of babysitting my baby niece... not to mention all my classes and regular homework, a broken car, spending time with AJ, a test, an unnecessarily large hospital bill from forever ago, and the fact that I had to cancel multiple plans because I had no way to get to the activities. By Thursday I was pretty much wiped-out and I thought to myself... this seems all-too familiar. i made a goal to not get this busy again! what happened?

and then... it hit me.

Life happened. 
Some things happened that were beyond my control and I was asked to rise to the occasion to meet the needs of others.
Some things happened that I should have been able to control and I felt the pangs of procrastination and sloppy scheduling.
Some things happened that I could have never anticipated and I was forced to rely on other people for understanding and support.

This kind of stuff just... happens. And though it isn't as easy to handle as when everything runs like smooth butter, you learn just the same. If not more. thank goodness for stressful situations and untimely trials... because of them i am forced to excel at a higher learning curve.


anyways...


Now I am at my parent's home, sitting on their new couch, listening to the stillness of fast Sunday and 1:00 church combined. I've been awake for over an hour and haven't heard a single stir (other than someone getting up to go to the bathroom... only to go right back to sleep again). This weekend has been the perfect contrast to my worry-week; I have had a stress-free weekend in breathtakingly beautiful Logan.

Yesterday morning, I picked-up Ashleigh (my cousin) and AJ (my boyfriend... for those of you that didn't know C: ) and made the drive. When we burst through my front door, my mom was baking pumpkin bread and frying up some bacon! oh how i love coming home to the smell of bacon! We made the usual rounds, hugging and catching-up on various aspects of each others lives, battled each other in Just Dance!, ate breakfast at lunch-time, watched some of our favorite classic YouTube videos, and spent about an hour doing the randoms (you know, catching up on homework, taking a nap (me), and doing chores). Then the girls went to a Christmas Craft/Gift Fair (decent) while the boys stayed home and did... who knows what? 

Then it was time for... the variety show! My two younger siblings performed in their school's acting/singing/dancing show that was appropriately titled...

"happily ever after... or was it?"

The entire first half of the show was dedicated to princes, princesses, falling in love, and yearning for happily ever after. I really connected with this half of the show. i am a disney girl at heart. I love to hear stories of love, magical first kisses, and bad-guy battling. As I watched number after number of beautiful Disney magic I became more dreamy-eyed, smiley, and excited for my own Happily Ever After.
then, intermission happened.
When the cast came back on stage they were dressed in villain's clothing! The "or was it?" involved  skits about the Big Bad Wolf and Villain Therapy... there was even a fog machine! I was amazed as I watched students that had a short 15 minutes ago made me swoon for my own fairytale turn into villains with evil side-plots and crazy Hades hair. I loved it.

moral of the story.... 
love conquers evil.
good overcomes bad.
knights in shining armor do indeed exist.
life is meant to be filled with singing and waltzing.
and... most importantly,
happily ever after will happen.

Cukatoos Chirping and the Cosmos

i am a nerd. just ask my mom C:
  I took an astronomy class here at BYU in which I learned a lot about my role as one of God's daughters. At first in the class, when we learned about planetary nebula and black holes and supernova,  I thought i am so small... i am just a little girl on this little planet in a little solar system in a little galaxy of a massive universe. what would an omniscient God need of me? Throughout the semester my mind drastically changed from those early-on thoughts. On the last day of class, my professor decided to spend the hour discussing spiritual matters as they pertain to the cosmos. In that class I had a change of heart so massive that it still brings me to tears sometimes... let me explain.
 Take a second to look at the stars; if you don't have stars gleaming right outside your window, look up pictures of the universe online. oh, isn't it beautiful? Heavenly Father created the universe in all of its vastness; every star and galaxy and planet. He is all-knowing and all-powerful, jealous and fierce; yet gentle and kind and specific. precise... I think precise is a better word for Him. He is so precise that He knows exactly what each of His children need at any given moment. I know of countless examples in my life where I have felt Heavenly Father's hand direct me in incredibly personal ways that no one else would ever be able to do. I am often stubborn and refuse to let my true feelings show; yet Heavenly Father knows me and takes care of my needs when I am too stubborn to lean on other people in my life.
  Did you know that I love to hear the birds chirp in the mornings? I adore when clouds look abnormal in the sky! I think, if i saw this scene in a painting, i would think it was fake. but here i am seeing this in real life!! Did you know that when I see a baby smile, my heart melts like butter in a microwave? I love to dance in the rain. Did you know that sometimes the mountains look like a backdrop and I am stunned that I live in beautiful Utah? I find peace when I can run barefoot through a field of freshly cut grass. Did you know that flowers on the side of the road make me smile bright? I leap at any opportunity to sit and listen to a masterful melody. Did you know that looking up at the stars makes me marvel at my Savior and often makes me cry? I know that my Savior is real because of the power that I feel.
  You might be wondering, grace... what do all of these things have to do with the immensities of the universe you were just ranting about? They connect so incredibly seamlessly in my head that I don't distinguish between the two. Yes, the placement of our planet within our solar system and galaxy is one huge example of God's attention to details (if you don't understand why... come ask me- i am a nerd for this kind of thing); I think that the tiny things are examples of God's love as well. He knows the things that will bring me joy each day- so He gives them to me! I am often amazed at how personal it feels.