Sometimes I get down on myself for not posting more... but then I come to days like this and remember that the reason I post isn't to simply update on anything; I post to express the most inconceivable emotions and hopefully figure them out through words on a screen.
it usually works, trust me!
Today has been marvelous! I sat next to AJ in a pew at church and thought to myself, i am the luckiest girl alive. I have no complaints about today- it was perfect!
I felt the Spirit really teach me today! I have been yearning for a cry-for-the-full-3-hours kind of Sunday and, man- today was it! i am taking this moment to apologize to my fellow pums12th ward members for my shameless tear ducts! this is not the last time... fair warning. Everything that was shared was exactly what I needed to hear, and it just makes me all the more grateful for my Heavenly Father who really paid attention to that need and allowed my need to be filled.
after writing a paragraph and deleting it due to a major feeling of disconnect, i have decided:
i am not going to bore you with details of how i felt during each meeting...
instead, i will share my testimony and
hopefully then this restless feeling will pass and i will get to take a nap.
I really know that I have a loving Father in Heaven who loves me and cares for me more than I could ever deserve. I am blessed with the ability to walk, hear, smell, see, feel, and know what is going on around me. I will be forever grateful for those foundational qualities of my life. My God has blessed me with so many things and sometimes all I can think is: who am i to deserve this?
who am i to deserve to see the fire-like sunset that took my breath away?
who am i to deserve it when my little niece waves and giggles when she sees me?
who am i to deserve to feel so much love from my husband. he is so kind to me- what have i ever done to deserve that?
who am i to deserve wonderful opportunities for growth; doors that keep opening up at my heels. i have rarely been stressed about my future... why me?
who am i to deserve delicious food and friends that make me grin from ear to ear?
who am i to deserve the promise of eternity... made possible by a Brother, Savior, and Friend.
I am so grateful for everything I have ever been blessed with. My heart is overflowing with gratitude right now... so much that it hurts!
who am i to deserve to know my Savior?
I long for others to feel this feeling. This pure gratitude and overwhelming, tangible sense of reliance on Christ. I am so grateful for my understanding of the Plan of Salvation! I ache for those around me to be happy... to know that there is good in the world and to have something...to have eternity... to hope for. I yearn to find ways to help someone feel an ounce of love; a small something to remind them of the pure love that Heavenly Father knows for each one of us.
oh what joy, as gratitude fills my heart!
I don't know if I have said all that needs to be said... but my mind and heart are satisfied knowing that I have taken this ounce of time to share my emotions.
with (so much deep, enveloping, heart-felt) love,
g
No comments:
Post a Comment