I Thank My Heavenly Father for Days Like These.

warning: at this point, i have no idea what path this post will take. i have a feeling that this is a way for me to process the way i am feeling right now- and in that case it will most likely have a confusing beginning, thoughtful midsection, and a testimony-bearing conclusion. however, it could also be a random mess of words on a screen. if you get to the end and think "man this was a waste of time," i can sleep peacefully knowing that i gave you fair warning.

I feel compelled to write this. Almost as strongly as I felt to write in August- and when I feel this way, the words flow naturally; the thoughts run effortlessly from my brain through my arms and fingers and transmit onto the computer screen with each key I press. So here I go...

i feel unsettled.

I just finished watching the movie The Help with my family (excellent movie, by the way. i would recommend it to anyone) and I can't help but halt at the way I am feeling right now. The movie is an inspiring and beautiful story about the Civil Rights movement, and I am sure that most people finish the movie and watch the credits with a sense of resolve and peace knowing that racial equality won. why am i not like most people? Yet unlike the majority, I sat silent and watched the white text pop onto the screen with a sense of emptiness clinging in my heart. Not twenty minutes later, I feel lonely and sad as I sit here and cry on the bunk-bed from my childhood.

sometimes you just need to cry for no reason...
sometimes there is a reason.

Tonight I feel two emotions that leave a trail of salty tears on my cheeks: the first, sympathy and the second, gratitude. let me begin with the first. 


I have always felt a deep connection to other people's emotions. For example: when a friend tells me happy news, I get so excited that it would seem as though the great thing was happening to me. Additionally, I cry when something even remotely sad happens to... anyone...including movie characters. I don't think that I have seen a movie that I haven't cried in for at least a couple months. This character trait has been prominent since I was a little girl. seriously, i bawled through the movie air bud the first time i saw it. That is one reason why I am so unsettled tonight- the emotions in the movie were so real to me. I felt as though each story the women relayed cut straight to my heart and helped me feel a tiny but of their pain.

Now, you may be sitting there and thinking, grace, honey, those characters in the movie are not real people. the movie was based on a fiction novel- don't worry about it. But that is where you are wrong. Those stories aren't false, they are true... for somebody. For some poor maid, mechanic, bus driver, son or daughter those stories of hate and prejudice are all that he/she ever knew. People were and still are born and raised in this country, my country, that never know anything but crude names and dirty looks on the street. For anyone, past or present, that has known some kind of rejection based on color, social status, disability, weight, religion, etc... my heart goes out to you. i am so sorry. Sometimes I live in this perfect bubble of happiness and daisies where I rarely think about the emotional suffering  going on all around this world.

Today I was awakened to a desire to do more.

I resolve to smile and say hello to as many people on the street as I can.
I resolve to look people in the eyes- beautiful eyes of green, blue, brown, grey, etc.- and silently say to them you are my equal.
I resolve to slow down a little in order to have more time to seek out and fulfill the needs of others.
I resolve to learn more of Christ and how He loved in order to apply those same qualities and that same attitude into my life.
I resolve to be happy and to lift other people's burdens by sharing that happiness without hesitation.

...without days like these, lives wouldn't change. 

i thank my Heavenly Father for days like these. 

I am so grateful for my life and my health. I am grateful that I have the ability to consciously choose to live a better life. I am grateful that I know who I am, a daughter of God, and I am grateful that I can share that testimony with others. I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to help others see that life is meant to be enjoyed...

i resolve to be the kind of person that everyone feels comfortable connecting with. if anyone feels completely alone, i hope they can feel peace knowing that there is someone on this earth that cares. i may not know the situation (or even the person)... but i care. 

More than anything an average girl like me can do, there is something more. A lesson I learned early in my life is that there is a loving, kind Father in Heaven that cares. His compassion can do more for us than we will ever be able to comprehend. So when you feel alone, you can think of little old Grace that cares for you or you can think of the God that knows you better than anyone and can bring peace more fully and quickly than anyone.

well, i feel settled now. i am going to go to sleep.

much love,
g