Week 24: Blessings from the milestone week!

I am feeling a whole heck of a lot of relief....

I am officially 24 weeks!! 

This is big news. The babies are now at a point of development that is considered safe. If the boys are born now, they will survive and have a better chance of being healthy!!!! 

Thank you bed rest.

Now my task is to keep these babies gestating for as loooong as possible. The longer they are in eutero, the chubbier and better developed they are at birth! 

I did some research the other day about babies being born at various levels of gestation and the time that they subsequently spend in the NICU. 

what was I thinking??? 

It totally freaked me out, while at the same time informing me so that I can be mentally prepared for the best... and the worst case scenarios. 

(These numbers are based on various readings of twin mom experiences and also medical websites)

Babies born at 30 weeks gestation spend approximately 8-10 weeks in the NICU. 

Babies born at 33 weeks gestation spend approximately 5-8 weeks in the NICU.

Babies born at 35 weeks gestation (the average gestation time for twins, btw) spend approximately 4-5 weeks in the NICU. 

Babies born at 37 weeks gestation spend approximately 0-2 weeks in the NICU.

*disclaimer- there are always other factors going into NICU time. Some of these numbers may not be your experience, and some women shared stories of big, healthy twins born at 34 weeks going home 5 days after birth. These stories were the exception most often.*

It was really good for me to put this in perspective. I used to think, "oh even if my babies are born early... They will go to the NICU but probably come home after just a few days or a week or something." Not so, sister! I am nervous now because... obviously... I don't want our babies to spend the first weeks/months of their lives in the NICU. However. it makes the reality of the benefits of resting and being healthy so much clearer.  I am so much more motivated to do all the things I am supposed to do- increasing the chances of their safety. 

Anyway: onto the blessings from week 24!!

- I was put on a lighter form of bed rest! Wahoo wahoo. I basically was told to listen to my body and follow that as a guide- without going back to the amount of activity I was doing before I was put on bed rest... So my limit is two(ish) activities a day. My problem is that I'm doing more around the house and doing more activities.... For example- today we went to church and had lunch with a friend (2 activities) but then we got home and I organized and made dinner, etc. So by the end of the day I am EXHAUSTED by doing so much. It was hard this week to navigate my physical activity with everything going on. This next week I am going to do a better job at resting more and not pushing myself to the limits again. 

- I was stopped at the store and told "you are such a cute pregnant lady!" by some random gal. I love her for that! 

- I was actually feeling up to getting dolled up today! 

I curled my hair and everything! 

- AJ and I took time to organize our room this weekend. We have been living out of random boxes and suitcases and it feels SO GOOD to have an organized space. 

- AJs mom came into town this week! We were able to spend some time with her and we sure had fun! She also got us the cutest baby clothes. The onesies say, " handsome like daddy" c: 

- we had delicious delicious food this week! 

- I was able to see Erika (one of my best friends- she and I roomed together for 3 years and she now lives in Montana... Sad life). She came to visit with her new baby! 

All in all... Life has been good this week! 

This is me week 22::

This is me week 24!!! Look at that bump grow! 

Another pic... This one is from today.

Much love,

G

PS::

Remember that time last year when AJ and I were in Japan? We had so few responsibilities, no money, and we were living the dream! I can't believe how far we have come in just one year! I love my man.

My Support System

It's 4:30 am and I woke up starving. Because I'm supposed to limit stair use, I asked AJ if he could grab me a PB/honey sandwich. And he did. I love the support that he gives me. 

I have been thinking a lot about the kind of support I have received lately::

First and foremost is AJ. The man who didn't complain once when I was vomiting last week and keeping him up all night. He woke up when I needed him with such an acute sense of determination to help me feel better. I love him for that. He is the man who makes me breakfast every morning before he goes to work- and he does the dishes at night when I'm exhausted from cooking. He rubs my feet without complaint and he is patient with me when I ask him for the millionth time to fill up my water bottle. He gave up his entire Saturday to make sure that I was okay- and sat with me even when I was half asleep. 

I love my man.

Second is my family. It's the 'no questions asked' kind of support. Whatever we need- whatever we may need- has been offered to us. A home to stay in once the babies are born, and 24 hour support to help us become acclimated to twins. Delicious allergy-free food and a never ending supply of chocolate almond milk. Conversation and clean bed sheets. I'm so grateful for my family.

Third is our ward. I love the friendships we have developed within our ward. There is a desire to serve that just oozes from the PUMS 12th ward. They are always aware of our needs and don't take no for an answer! Sometimes it is hard for me to ask for help ( or even accept it when it is offered). I like to be independent.... But our ward members can see through that to my real need. Once- I tried to convince the Olesons that I didn't need help... And they looked around and said, "we will be back in 5 minutes so we can change our clothes." 5 minutes later they came back and brought help! Within an hour whey had done what would have taken AJ more time than we anticipated! Another instance, Stephanie  convinced me to leave AJs keys with her while he was out of town. The next day I was put on bed rest and in Logan for the rest of the week. When we came home, she had cleaned and packed as much as she could. What did we do to deserve such an awesome ward!? I could share a few more stories of the sincere, selfless service that we have seen over and over again. I'm so grateful right now! 

Fourth is friends in general! From Kaylie+Dallas letting us stay in their basement to friends that come over to chat when I'm bored...We have a great support system here. I don't know how in he world I would be able to handle being on bed rest without my friends. We receive support from thousands of miles away to right upstairs. I'm happy and grateful that we have been blessed with such good, caring, and lasting friends. 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and for Jesus Chirst. Their love and guidance have been a MAJOR support and just what we needed this past month. The blessings we have been given come from our God. He loves us and cares for us enough to put people in our lives to help us. He also knows what we need and freely blesses is in those specific ways. 

Without Them, we would be lost. 

I am grateful. I feel loved. I know that we are cared for and protected. 

Much love, 

G

Blessings from week 23

- Sunday night I was very sick. I must have eaten something that didn't settle because I was up all night vomiting. I was blessed with a loving (and handsome) husband who took care of me!!

- Monday was a big big big day! With all the last minute packing and moving- we were really blessed with people in our ward to help us out. Also, my aunt/uncle, cousin, other aunt and her kids came over with homemade chicken noodle soup! Such a blessing because I was still feeling sick, but it settled so well! 

- we sold the love sac! Thank goodness.

- we also officially moved in to our friends basement, SUCH A BLESSING. 

- bed rest can occasionally be boring. I was blessed to have some friends come by this week and keep me company. 

- I was told I can work from home! Huge financial and beat-the-boredom blessing.

- AJs company reached 100k on Kickstarter! 

- AJs sister/ brother in law Laura and Cody visited from Arizona! His other sister/ brother in law Mary and Daniel came down from Layton and we got to spend some wonderful time together! I love holiday weekends! 

- the. Harrops ( the family I used to nanny for) came to town and we had dinner together!!!! It was amazing to say the least. I love them. 

-church today was very inspiring and insightful- I am grateful for the Spirit I felt today. 

- the babies are still healthy and growing. 

All is well. 

Blessings from week 22

I figured it would be a fun idea to post on Sunday some of the blessings I have received. 

Week 22:: 

Got a good belly shot! Look at that bump! 

Shared a room at my parents house with my niece Clara. 

We had a blast! Cuddles and crackers every morning.

Okay so not a good pic... Buuuut

I got my hair done and I LOVE IT. 

- spent ko-ality time with my family! I love them!

- supported my dad in the marathon that he ran- all in prep for his 100 miler later this year. Such a cool guy!

- AJ got back safely from his work trip.

- AJs company Novi Security launched on Kickstarter on Tuesday and has almost reached their funding goal! (The goal was originally expected to take a month to reach.... And so far it has only been 6 days!!!)

- our babies are healthy

- my friend Stephanie kicks butt at knowing how to serve me best. We came home to a spotless kitchen and packed pantry! Champion. 

- hung out with my friend Amy- she always makes me happy

- received such an outpouring of love and offers for service. 

- finished visiting teaching

- was introduced to the show Falling Skies

- am feeling cool, calm, and collected about learning to be more flexible with my plans c:

Well- feeling blessed and loved.

Good night 

C:

THIS IS NOT A HORROR STORY OF A WOMAN WHO WENT ON BED REST @ 22 WEEKS

THIS IS NOT A HORROR STORY OF A WOMAN WHO WENT ON BED REST @22 WEEKS. This is the story of what I've learned that has changed my entire perspective on this 'mom of multiples' thing. 

Here goes:

(( I'm feeling a little frustrated because I wrote like half of what I wanted to say- and then it got deleted.

But still it important so I will write it again. ))

So after writing about my meltdown- AJ and I thought for a few more days about what our living situation plan of action needed to be. AJ was very adamant about doing all we can to save up money for these boys-  once these babies come, who the heck knows how much they will actually cost! 

So we basically nixed finding our own place for now and decided to do a combination of moving to our friends basement for a while and then living up in Logan for a few months after these boys are born. Here is how it all should go down.

Step One: get all of our non-baby stuff into a storage unit... and move all baby stuff to my parents house. 

Step Two: move our bed and clothes to our friends basement-- we can stay there in Provo until the boys come (so that AJ doesn't have to commute to work and so I can keep working my jobs for as long as possible).

Step Three: once these babies decide it's time to say hello to the world... And once they are released from the hospital... We will move up to my parents house in Logan and live there for a couple months until we have a grip enough on things. 

Step Four: find an apartment in Provo and move into our own place! 

Yes- we know this means that we will be living out of suitcases for a few months.

Yes- we know that this means we will not have a place to call our own for a while. 

Yes- we know that our babies could come anywhere from August --> end of September and so the duration of this situation is totally and completely unknown!

and Yes- we know that people will call us crazy.

BUT: priority número uno is saving up money so that we can effectively take care of these boys! So in the end it is worth all the hassle. 

Here is the big clincher to our plan--

We need to be out of our apartment on June 30th so that we don't have to pay July rent. 

That doesn't seem like a problem- you've still got a while to get it all done! 

Haha- no we don't! 

We made the decision to go with this plan on Thursday, June 19th. 

On Monday, June 22nd AJ left for a work trip. 

On Wednesday, June 24th I had planned to come to my parents house for a fun family weekend!!! 

We both arrive back in Provo on Sunday, June 29th. 

That left us with Thursday night--> Sunday to get everything moved into the storage unit. And just a few sporadic days for me to get final cleaning and packing done. 

Ah! Ah! Ah! Did you forget that I'm also pregnant with twins and am not supposed to do any moving on my own? 

Well I did. 

Thursday night I started packing up clothes. I stayed up way too late and was trying to take it easy... But I failed.

Friday I worked all day and at night AJ and I packed up some more. I was so exhausted we had to call it quits early because I'm pretty sure my legs stopped working entirely. C:

Saturday our beloved friend Melissa (remember she threw us our gender reveal party) came to help me get everything packed up and the guys from Novi (AJs company) came and we got most everything to the storage unit! Later in the afternoon, our friends Janae and Todd came to help us with some more packing and moving. By this time I was completely and utterly useless. I felt horrible- but I couldn't even stand up without holding onto a wall. I had been up on my feet all day and running around stressing out about getting it all done- I did NOT effectively take care of myself.

Sunday we had early morning church and I got some visiting teaching done... and then we had dinner at my Aunts house. It was so yummy!! I ate all the leftover salmon.

Monday I put myself on a modified bed rest because I could tell that my body was being pushed to the limits and I cannot afford to go into labor at 22 weeks. And by modified bed rest...I mean that I still ran some errands and I still packed a lot when some wonderful friends (the Lithgoes and Woodwards) from our ward came for FHE to help me clean since AJ was gone. Another great friend Stephanie came by for a few hours and taked with me because I needed some TLC. 

I guess I just didn't know how to really take it easy. I kept telling myself that if I didn't slow down then something would go wrong... But then I would think of all the things that needed to be done and I got back out of bed and did some more work. MISTAKE.

Because now I am on DOCTOR ORDERED bed rest. 

Apparently when a prego lady with twins does something like decide to pack and move her entire life in one weekend- it stresses her body out so much that there are repercussions. 

I noticed the tiny amount of bleeding on Monday- but had previously been told that a little spotting is normal. So I tried not to freak out.

I went to work on Tuesday morning and was horrified when I started bleeding a lot. A lot a lot. Like "I'm freaking out right now and need to see my doctor immediately" kind of a lot. I got the first appointment of the day (THANK GOODNESS).

My doctor started the appointment by first calming my fears and letting me see both babies on ultrasound. "They are still healthy and their hearts are working great," he said. Bless his heart. Then we went on a journey to find out what was causing the bleeding. Apparently I have a pretty common genetic condition called cervix ectropion. It means that the sensitive tissue of the cervix is exposed- instead of being tucked away like it is supposed to be. Under stressful conditions, that sensitive tissue bleeds. He said that the condition isn't typically anything to worry about- unless you try to move your entire life in one weekend.

He also said that because the twins are only 22 weeks along- if I were to do anything else to cause stress to my body and the babies were born now- they wouldn't survive. He said, however, that in a couple of weeks they could survive. Which is why he put me on a pretty strict bed rest for the next 2 weeks. Then at my next appointment he can reassess and figure out if I need to continue on bed rest or if I have learned my lesson and won't do anything crazy to push my body to its limits again. "Our goal is to keep these babies inside of you for as long as possible," he said, "don't push it!" 

Now... Let's return to the fact that my whole life is packed away in a storage unit AND my husband is out of town. My timing has always been impeccable. So immediately after the appointment I drove up to my parents house (a day earlier than planned) and have been on bed rest here. I've been so blessed to have the support that I need. They are taking care of me SO WELL. There is a ton of yummy food to eat, a comfortable bed to rest in, and people to talk to. Also- no stairs! 

My momma gave my nearly 3 year old niece, Clara, charge over me. Every time she sees me standing up it is her job to say, "Grace- you need to sit down or lay down." Effectively putting me in my place! 

It has all been worth it. My body is no longer stressed out, and I feel healthy and happy again! It is amazing to me that soon after finding out about the twins I read one lady's story about how she was put on bed rest @ 22 weeks. The thought terrified me! I convinced myself that bed rest so early would be THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. boy was I wrong. 

The worst thing in the world is fearing that you have lost your babies. The worst thing in the world would be my boys being born too early to survive. The worst thing in the world is something a lot of women have experienced- and I am so much more sympathetic and understanding.

I remember driving to my parents house on Tuesday and praying to God that I will do anything to keep these boys alive and incubating for as long as possible. If it means bed rest for the next couple of months... Bring it on. Healthy, chubby babies are worth it. 

Moms (and especially moms of multiples)... DON'T OVER EXERT YOURSELF. Listen to your doctor and listen to your body. If you feel tired, rest. If you crave protein, eat it... Shamelessly! If you notice anything abnormal contact your doctor right away and do as you are told. Your babies are worth it. 

Last night I had my first meltdown.

I am not looking for pity.

This is simply an outlet for my feelings. I have had exactly one week of knowing about the boys... and I have read a lot of blogs and articles where I read a lot of facts-- but I wanted to know the emotions. I want to know if the things I am feeling are common and if the concerns we are working through are typical.
I think that's why I am going to write so much now. I will write my feelings, the products I like, the most helpful resources, etc.
I will write whatever comes to my pregnancy-brain... and hope that somehow it will help someone someday.

So let's begin:
Last night I had my first meltdown.

I say first because I am sure I will have more. Many, many, many more.

This meltdown regarded the need to move to a bigger house. Let me fill you in:

We live in a one bedroom basement apartment. It is so cute and cozy... and even though it is a basement, it has WINDOWS. Glorious windows. It gets cold in the winter, but we can deal (and by "deal" I mean that I complain all winter about how cold it is).

When we found out that we were having a baby, we thought about moving to a 2 bedroom apartment. We researched it for months and finally came to the conclusion that it made more financial sense to stay in our one bedroom apartment. Raising one baby in our apartment wasn't going to cause any problems. Babies don't take up that much space.

So we got all set: our financial plan was in order. We made smart decisions about summer work and started getting geared up for baby. We even had a plan to put money away into savings based on working this summer. I have a checklist-mind and I felt very calm and confident in my plan. All of the boxes were checked off nicely and I felt great.

But there is no way on earth that two babies are fitting into our apartment. We simply can't do it. We have looked and looked and have decided that it is a 'no way Jose' kind of thing. We simply HAVE to move.

So then we thought:
Where?
When?
2 bedrooms?
3 bedrooms?
Will we have to change wards?
Will we be by our friends?
Will we be able to find a place that doesn't kill our budget?
etc. etc. etc.

My brain went into mush mode. I have been so concerned this last week about it all (and not to mention the BILLION of other things on my mind). I have looked at our budget about a thousand times reworking situations to find the best one. We have a few options.
1) Move to Logan and live with my generous and helpful family.
2) Stay in Provo and live with an amazing couple who offered to house us.
3) Stay in Provo and find our own place.

These options are all good. There are pros and cons to each. Everyone has been telling me that we will need all the help that we can get... so #1 is the best option. But #1 means moving 2 1/2 hours away from AJs company and I don't want to be away from him all the time... so #2 or #3 make the most sense. #2 is awesome because it is in Provo and financially smart, but do I really want to infringe upon our friends generosity by keeping them up all night and have them renovate part of the downstairs? Also, when family comes to visit all the time, I wouldn't want our friends to regret having us live there... so #3 is the best option. But #3 is expensive and we need to be financially smart... so #1 is the best option.
see where this whirlpool of decisions and factors and pros/cons leads my mind? I go through this process about 10 times every. single. day.

AJ and I sat down two nights ago and looked at the financial burden of #3. We felt the need to go through our options for #3 so that we can be more knowledgeable about options #1 and #2. (We still haven't made any decisions...) We have killa awesome rent where we are at now, so everything else seems ridiculously expensive. Twice what we are currently paying for a 2 or 3 bedroom apartment in Provo. And after looking at the pros/cons of the 2 vs. the 3... 3 makes more sense. 3 bedrooms provides room for family/other help to come and stay, with a room for the babies so we are not kept up all night.

So 3 bedroom apartments in Provo with natural light (because I get depressed in dungeon-y basements and that + post partum depression does not sound like a good combination for my sanity) in an area close to our friends is what we are looking for.

We found a few to look at and really loved one of the apartments. We talked back and forth with the landlord and are still in the running... but late last night AJ and I reviewed finances and it will be tight. At least for a little while until AJs company picks up. And by "tight" I mean... not entirely sure how we would pay for the deposit + first months rent + the uncertainty of my current working situation (another post about that whole deal because it is a crazy story). Once August rolls around we feel pretty confident about financial stuffs... however- until then- who the heck knows.

[insert meltdown here]

I cried. I bawled so uncontrollably that I couldn't think straight. I was saying my prayer and I couldn't see the end. I couldn't see how everything would work out and I was freaking out. I remember saying, "Heavenly Father, I know I trust you and I know that everything will work out... but I can't see how and I don't know if I can do this." My brain doesn't like to not have a plan. And this lack of a plan is so overwhelming to me. SO overwhelming.

AJ heard me sobbing and offered me a priesthood blessing. what a wonderful man I have. In the blessing I was told to focus on Christ and all things would make sense in time. AJ finished and asked me what I learned and at first I did NOT feel comforted.

I felt like I was still in the same spot.
Mentally I knew that I trusted God. He has delivered me from my trials before and He has shown me that I can trust Him. Trust God: easy.
Emotionally I felt that I needed to see the next step and I needed to see it now. Actually acting with full faith: not easy.

I cried some more.... then I came to understand that by focusing on Christ I will gain an added measure of His spirit. And through that spirit, we will be guided to the right paths. And those right paths will be made clear to us as we live our lives in accordance to the gospel. I felt a lot of peace in this.

So... do we know what we are going to do exactly? No. But I am hoping that as I put my trust in Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, we will be led to the best things.

And it will work out.

(I just need to continually remind myself of that)

The CRAZIEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES

This is an email that I wrote to my brother, Elder Grant Fuller, who is on a mission in Washington D.C.

He originally entitled his email on Monday the "CRAZIEST WEEK OF MY LIFE"... So I guess we were going crazy all over the USofA! 

My emotions were really raw in this email, which is why I copied it directly instead of trying to rewrite it. These are some of the lessons I have learned in the past 4 (wow has it really only been 4??) days since we found out about the twins! 

Grant-

I didn't think your email was lame at all. Short, yes... but powerful. Thank you for sharing that experience where you learned about yourself and the Atonement. I loved it.

AJ and I have also had the CRAZIEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES... and I am not being over dramatic (though sometimes I can be).

We went in for my 20 week ultrasound to find out gender....

and.....

We found out that there are TWO babies growing inside of me!

Yes- twins!!!!!! I am not joking or lying (mom thought I was lying).

We are having TWO BOYS-- and they are most likely identical because they share a placenta. IDENTICAL TWIN BOYS... what the whaaaat?

I am honestly still shocked that we didn't know earlier. haha! How did we go 20 weeks before we found out that there are two babies inside of me? IDK- but it happened!

Naturally our lives turned upside down. I have really had to rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ this week.

Initially I felt so overwhelmed. I couldn't think straight and I just basically allowed my brain to turn off. I have spent the last few months preparing for one baby. ONE BABY. And you know my brain is similar to moms where I need a plan. I had a perfect, pretty, packaged plan all prepared for one baby. Everything was lined up timing wise, financially, and everything was going to go the way I had planned.

Then the ultrasound tech told us we were having TWO babies.

Now- when you have twins- apparently everything changes. Expected due dates, expected physical activity, expected ability to work after baby, expected recovery time, expected COST....the size of home you need, the additional support you need, the amount of calories you need to eat per day. It ALL changes.

At first, that change was too much for me. I felt so overwhelmed, Grant, I didn't know what to do. Everyone was so shocked and excited for us... but I was terrified. Luckily we have a loving Heavenly Father who inspires people to do/say much needed things to help us when life is too much.

-Both Spencer and Mom both shared how God will never give us more than we can handle. He might take us to the edge of our abilities a couple times... but it is never too much. I am so grateful that I was reminded of this early on. I've said that to myself probably a hundred times since Tuesday.

-A few close friends shared particularly needed words of encouragement. And not all of them directly included the twin news. Some friends just shared how grateful they were for our friendship and how I had helped them through such a hard time in their life. That helped me remember that God gives us people in our lives to help us when we need it most. He doesn't expect us to deal with our lives alone in a corner! Friends and family play essential roles in our lives to help us overcome the things that might debilitate us.

-I had a particularly poignant conversation with a fellow seminary teacher. He reminded me that this is a chance to put my trust in God. Not to put my trust in my planner or my abilities as a mother... but to really and truly place all of my faith in Him. I have been praying a lot about what he said to me- and I know that Heavenly Father is asking me to rely on Him and our Savior through this time. I also know that as I learn to do so- He will bless us. Everything will work out because He will bless us.

-Also, we went to the temple. Tuesday night, after the ultrasound, AJ and I went with some friends. I felt very powerfully that despite being sad about not teaching next year, I will be using the skills I have learned as a teacher every day with these boys. I will have the opportunity to grow as a person and a mother and a teacher. AJ and I have been prepared for this. With AJs company, the fact that we didn't get a puppy (even though I wanted one SOOOO bad), the fact that we felt inspired to stay at our apartment instead of moving to another one where we would be stuck in a lease, the fact that the past two weeks have been filled with spiritual growth due to seminary in-service training and personal study... He really prepared us.

-Additionally, I have felt an overwhelming sense of support from random people around me. I have met a few families with twins in the past few days (seminary training was a beautiful experience where I met a lot of parents of multiples) and they all helped me with advice. Some even offered to give/loan us things we will need!!! I mean- I have been so grateful for the sense of community there is between families with multiples and the church in general. We have felt SO blessed.

Despite all of my learning and growing this week. I still need time and work to become what Heavenly Father wants from me at this time. I still fall into debilitated stress zones. I still freak out about the future. I still feel sad that I will no longer get to teach. I still forget to drink a camel load of water.... but everything will work out. And when I feel stressed out of my mind- I just remind myself of the good things happening and our Savior makes me stronger.

I love you. I love you I love you I love you!

You are such a good example to me. Keep up the honorable and great work!

Love,

Grace, Baby A, and Baby B!