Meltdown #2: The Highs and the Lows of Week 26

Week 26 was a hard one for me. Physically I felt fine... healthy even... but emotionally it was rough. I began to notice that I was sinking into a general state of gloom on Monday- and I tried to pull myself out of it! I read the scriptures and prayed. I baked muffins and checked things off of my to-do list and did everything I could think of to un-gloom myself.

Everything except talk about it.

Unfortunately, I had allowed all this emotion to build up inside of me and on Thursday just unloaded it all on AJ. A waterfall of tears and incoherent "I don't know"s bombarded the sweet man after work. He just held me and let me cry.

And after days of gloom I realized what was wrong: my life is about to change.

I am beginning to realize that this is a common theme for me. I go through waves of total acceptance and total freak-out-stress-out about the fact that my life will never be the same. I felt this was when we were expecting just one baby. oh woe is me... my life will never be the same... I would think to myself as I wallowed in self pity. For some reason it was easier to pull myself out of that mode as I thought of my sister-in-law who was able to maintain an awesome normal life when she had baby Clara.

Then we found out about the twins. For a while the overarching stress of finances, living situation, health concerns, and two babies clouded any other concerns. But now that I am beginning to wrap my head around those initial concerns- other ones creep in and take their place. For example: my life is about to change.

Not in the, "I am going to be a tired mess for the first few months" kind of way. Not even in the, "I can't work with two babies" kind of way. I am realizing it is much less... and much more than that.

It all started with the grocery store.

Now-a-days I tire out so easily. My feet swell up to the size of balloons and it is painful to walk. Sometimes my feet even hurt when I am sitting down- they constantly feel like they are bruised! I try to elevate them as much as I can, but even if I sit normally for 15 minutes the swelling and pain return. what the heck?

Anyway. I needed to go to the grocery store last week and so I went. Thinking to myself that I am a strong and capable woman- I can do the grocery shopping by myself! Plus, I know the store like the back of my hand and have (in the past) completed the shopping errand in 20 minutes flat. AJ was out of town for work and so I went to the store. Unfortunately- I can't walk as fast as I would like.. so it took longer. My feet were already swollen... and so it hurt walking up and down the isles. My big belly is... big... so getting anything from the bottom shelf was a pain.

By the time I was in the check out line, I was SO DONE. The very kind manager must have seen the wearied look on my face and put all my groceries on the conveyer belt for me. Without that act of kindness, I probably would have cried.

But once I got home and crashed on the couch I started to feel gloomy. I started thinking about all of the other normal things that will no longer be normal or easy for me. Sure-- this painful stage of pregnancy won't last forever. But once I am back to my "normal" self we will have two babies that will make any semblance of normalcy difficult for a while.

I will no longer be able to make a quick run to the grocery store- without having to gear up and get out of the house with two babies.
I will no longer be able to- at 9pm- decide to run to AJs work party and hang out- without finding a babysitter or taking the boys with us.
We will no longer be able to go on a spontaneous date night and sit and talk for hours without any concern of where we need to be next.
I will no longer be able to go to the Temple on a moments notice when I feel the need for extra strength (this is even hard to do now because of how tired I get...).

Its these little, silly, normal parts of our every day life right now that I realized last week I will miss.

And I almost feel like I realized it too late.

If I had the vision of where I am at now a few months ago- I wouldn't have taken grocery shopping for granted! I would have taken every opportunity to go to the Temple and to make a dinner for someone in the ward. I would have gone on more spontaneous dates with AJ and we would have lived-up our summer more. I know that life will change. And after my freak-out-and-cry session last week I have come to terms with it.

Why? Because life won't be the same because we will have two babies. Two precious sons of Heavenly Father who will make our lives chaotic and wonderful. And yeah- I am going to miss my normal life... but I wouldn't miss out on the chance to become a momma just to be able to run to the store and grab bread whenever we need it.




Blessings of Week 26:::
- Realizing that my life will be better with two babies
- Spending time with AJ
- We made homemade biscuits and gravy!!! YUM!
- I also made blueberry muffins... they saved me during my period of late-night hunger!
- The baby shower in Provo was on Saturday. I was so blessed to spend time with friends and hear their advice and encouragement! Melissa did an amazing amazing amazing job planning the whole thing! Love that woman.
- Saturday I also got to spend time with my mom! We went shopping for baby stuff (by the last store I was wiped out and sat in a big comfy glider chair the whole time. AJ and momma had to bring the things over to me to look at/approve!!). I love my mom.
- My brother and sister-in-law recommended two books to us... and we were able to find BOTH at the library! It was a blessing to not have to wait for/buy the books.
- We had dinner with our friends Stephen and Stefani on Sunday night. It was so nice to spend time with them!!!!
- AJ traveled safely to and from NYC. He did give me a good scare when he wasn't where he said he would be when it was time to pick him up.... anyone who talked to me that night can attest: I was a mess! c:
- Novi completed their Kickstarter campaign and raised around $175,000!! Which is over twice the amount they had originally hoped to raise!
- My BFF Sammie's b-day happened. Love her.

Much love,
G

Week 25: Blessings

So.... I am flying solo for the next few days.

AJ is in NYC! His company, Novi Security, is being featured on this Wednesday's episode of 'Live with Michael and Kelly!' AJ won't be on TV, but he got to fly the prototype out to avoid the risk of it breaking. This show guarantees a lot of company/product exposure, so we are feeling pretty good about that! C: I'm such a proud wife!

Blessings::

- since it has been so hot in Utah the past little while, it has been easy to drink enough water! I'm meeting my goal (within a few ounces) every day! 

- frozen strawberries.... Enough said! 

- I made Rice Krispie treats with some marshmallows I found at the health food store! The package cost an arm and a leg, but they are delicious! 

- I got a little bit of a tan from when I was locked out of the house on Tuesday morning. I sat in the sun for a bit and then moved over to the shade! It ended up being a good experience-- I didn't have my phone or iPad (or anything for that matter) so I had a lot of thinking time. I was able to really enjoy the peace and quiet because I probably won't get much of that once the babies come! C: I am a lucky woman, too, because AJ came home 30 minutes earlier than I was expecting- so it was only 3 hours instead of 3.5! 

- AJ and I went on a date to Red Robin...YUM! I have been craving their fish'n'chips for the past few weeks and it was so good to satisfy that craving! Not to mention all the wonderful conversation we had.

- the boys had an all out epic battle of kicks and punches today. It felt good to have so much movement going on- sadly they have been sleepy the past few days and I haven't felt them very much. I was starting to get worried until the epic battle began! 

- I straightened my hair today. It's the little things c:

- my friend, Abigayle, made us a strawberry/rhubarb pie. It was amazing.

- AJ and I went to the temple! We love the peace that we feel there!! 

- I'm still feeling healthy! 

- AJ and I went to visit his Grandpa in a nursing home in AmFork. He recently moved here from Indiana with AJs Grandma! The last time we saw him was when we visited him in the Indiana nursing home 2 years ago! Grandpa's communication is pretty limited- but AJ knows how to get a reaction- AJ likes to tease Grandpa! He tried to tell Grandpa that we were democrat and Grandpa chuckled and said, 'no.' He also got pretty excited when I told him about the twins. C: 

- I went to my friend's baby shower. It was so much fun- and I met some really sweet people there, too! 

- Stephen and Stefani brought over a sweet spontaneous gift today- a foot spa package! Oh man oh man- my little (or not so little) swollen feet definitely need a spa treatment! I am SO looking forward to using it! 

- there is a German shepherd puppy staying in the backyard for a week...in addition to the choloate lab who lives here! AJ was in Heaven. Every free second he would slip away and play with the dogs. It was so cute to see him pet and tease and get all starry-eyed over the doggies.

I'm just feeling happy. 

It is easy to get caught up in the stress of what is going to happen. All the unkown factors lurking about- so I am constantly reminding myself that God knows best.

When I am able to remember that God knows best, it is easier to have an attitude of gratitude! 

Love, 

G

Week 24: Blessings from the milestone week!

I am feeling a whole heck of a lot of relief....

I am officially 24 weeks!! 

This is big news. The babies are now at a point of development that is considered safe. If the boys are born now, they will survive and have a better chance of being healthy!!!! 

Thank you bed rest.

Now my task is to keep these babies gestating for as loooong as possible. The longer they are in eutero, the chubbier and better developed they are at birth! 

I did some research the other day about babies being born at various levels of gestation and the time that they subsequently spend in the NICU. 

what was I thinking??? 

It totally freaked me out, while at the same time informing me so that I can be mentally prepared for the best... and the worst case scenarios. 

(These numbers are based on various readings of twin mom experiences and also medical websites)

Babies born at 30 weeks gestation spend approximately 8-10 weeks in the NICU. 

Babies born at 33 weeks gestation spend approximately 5-8 weeks in the NICU.

Babies born at 35 weeks gestation (the average gestation time for twins, btw) spend approximately 4-5 weeks in the NICU. 

Babies born at 37 weeks gestation spend approximately 0-2 weeks in the NICU.

*disclaimer- there are always other factors going into NICU time. Some of these numbers may not be your experience, and some women shared stories of big, healthy twins born at 34 weeks going home 5 days after birth. These stories were the exception most often.*

It was really good for me to put this in perspective. I used to think, "oh even if my babies are born early... They will go to the NICU but probably come home after just a few days or a week or something." Not so, sister! I am nervous now because... obviously... I don't want our babies to spend the first weeks/months of their lives in the NICU. However. it makes the reality of the benefits of resting and being healthy so much clearer.  I am so much more motivated to do all the things I am supposed to do- increasing the chances of their safety. 

Anyway: onto the blessings from week 24!!

- I was put on a lighter form of bed rest! Wahoo wahoo. I basically was told to listen to my body and follow that as a guide- without going back to the amount of activity I was doing before I was put on bed rest... So my limit is two(ish) activities a day. My problem is that I'm doing more around the house and doing more activities.... For example- today we went to church and had lunch with a friend (2 activities) but then we got home and I organized and made dinner, etc. So by the end of the day I am EXHAUSTED by doing so much. It was hard this week to navigate my physical activity with everything going on. This next week I am going to do a better job at resting more and not pushing myself to the limits again. 

- I was stopped at the store and told "you are such a cute pregnant lady!" by some random gal. I love her for that! 

- I was actually feeling up to getting dolled up today! 

I curled my hair and everything! 

- AJ and I took time to organize our room this weekend. We have been living out of random boxes and suitcases and it feels SO GOOD to have an organized space. 

- AJs mom came into town this week! We were able to spend some time with her and we sure had fun! She also got us the cutest baby clothes. The onesies say, " handsome like daddy" c: 

- we had delicious delicious food this week! 

- I was able to see Erika (one of my best friends- she and I roomed together for 3 years and she now lives in Montana... Sad life). She came to visit with her new baby! 

All in all... Life has been good this week! 

This is me week 22::

This is me week 24!!! Look at that bump grow! 

Another pic... This one is from today.

Much love,

G

PS::

Remember that time last year when AJ and I were in Japan? We had so few responsibilities, no money, and we were living the dream! I can't believe how far we have come in just one year! I love my man.

My Support System

It's 4:30 am and I woke up starving. Because I'm supposed to limit stair use, I asked AJ if he could grab me a PB/honey sandwich. And he did. I love the support that he gives me. 

I have been thinking a lot about the kind of support I have received lately::

First and foremost is AJ. The man who didn't complain once when I was vomiting last week and keeping him up all night. He woke up when I needed him with such an acute sense of determination to help me feel better. I love him for that. He is the man who makes me breakfast every morning before he goes to work- and he does the dishes at night when I'm exhausted from cooking. He rubs my feet without complaint and he is patient with me when I ask him for the millionth time to fill up my water bottle. He gave up his entire Saturday to make sure that I was okay- and sat with me even when I was half asleep. 

I love my man.

Second is my family. It's the 'no questions asked' kind of support. Whatever we need- whatever we may need- has been offered to us. A home to stay in once the babies are born, and 24 hour support to help us become acclimated to twins. Delicious allergy-free food and a never ending supply of chocolate almond milk. Conversation and clean bed sheets. I'm so grateful for my family.

Third is our ward. I love the friendships we have developed within our ward. There is a desire to serve that just oozes from the PUMS 12th ward. They are always aware of our needs and don't take no for an answer! Sometimes it is hard for me to ask for help ( or even accept it when it is offered). I like to be independent.... But our ward members can see through that to my real need. Once- I tried to convince the Olesons that I didn't need help... And they looked around and said, "we will be back in 5 minutes so we can change our clothes." 5 minutes later they came back and brought help! Within an hour whey had done what would have taken AJ more time than we anticipated! Another instance, Stephanie  convinced me to leave AJs keys with her while he was out of town. The next day I was put on bed rest and in Logan for the rest of the week. When we came home, she had cleaned and packed as much as she could. What did we do to deserve such an awesome ward!? I could share a few more stories of the sincere, selfless service that we have seen over and over again. I'm so grateful right now! 

Fourth is friends in general! From Kaylie+Dallas letting us stay in their basement to friends that come over to chat when I'm bored...We have a great support system here. I don't know how in he world I would be able to handle being on bed rest without my friends. We receive support from thousands of miles away to right upstairs. I'm happy and grateful that we have been blessed with such good, caring, and lasting friends. 

I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and for Jesus Chirst. Their love and guidance have been a MAJOR support and just what we needed this past month. The blessings we have been given come from our God. He loves us and cares for us enough to put people in our lives to help us. He also knows what we need and freely blesses is in those specific ways. 

Without Them, we would be lost. 

I am grateful. I feel loved. I know that we are cared for and protected. 

Much love, 

G

Blessings from week 23

- Sunday night I was very sick. I must have eaten something that didn't settle because I was up all night vomiting. I was blessed with a loving (and handsome) husband who took care of me!!

- Monday was a big big big day! With all the last minute packing and moving- we were really blessed with people in our ward to help us out. Also, my aunt/uncle, cousin, other aunt and her kids came over with homemade chicken noodle soup! Such a blessing because I was still feeling sick, but it settled so well! 

- we sold the love sac! Thank goodness.

- we also officially moved in to our friends basement, SUCH A BLESSING. 

- bed rest can occasionally be boring. I was blessed to have some friends come by this week and keep me company. 

- I was told I can work from home! Huge financial and beat-the-boredom blessing.

- AJs company reached 100k on Kickstarter! 

- AJs sister/ brother in law Laura and Cody visited from Arizona! His other sister/ brother in law Mary and Daniel came down from Layton and we got to spend some wonderful time together! I love holiday weekends! 

- the. Harrops ( the family I used to nanny for) came to town and we had dinner together!!!! It was amazing to say the least. I love them. 

-church today was very inspiring and insightful- I am grateful for the Spirit I felt today. 

- the babies are still healthy and growing. 

All is well.