Baby Dean Update

Sweet little man was in the hospital for 3 days. He is home now... still on oxygen... but he is home! Being in the hospital with my baby was hard, but I had no idea how hard it would be as a mom of twins...

let me explain. 

Momma, Emma, and Ashley Anne were taking incredible care of Mack at home and I knew he was in great hands... but I missed him so much. I had never been away from either baby for longer than just a few hours- you know for date night or temple night, etc. I was so wrapped up with all the medical stuff and worrying about baby Dean that I didn't really have time to think about Mack for a long while. It wasn't until I had some downtime in the evening that I realized how sad I was to be away from him. I missed his big droopy cheeks and big eyes.

But then, when I was able to go home the next afternoon, I desperately missed Dean! I picked up this adorable little turtle bath toy and for some reason it reminded me of Dean and I started crying! 

It was pathetic to say the least.

I just felt bad that I was at home playing and resting while the little man was still roughing it in the hospital! I couldn't wait to get back and give him some comfort and help him feel loved. I know babies don't have the whole object permanence thing down... but can they tell when they are alone? I mean, there were nurses everywhere who fed him while AJ and I slept at home Friday night... but did he feel lonely and miss his family? I felt absolutely horrible knowing that my baby was in the hospital, potentially in pain from the IV or some other procedure, and I wasn't there to sing to him or hold his hand or anything! I felt like a lousy mama that night. 

On Saturday, we left Mack with my Dad and both went to the hospital. Dr. Brown told us that Dean would be discharged later that night, though he would still need oxygen for a couple of days at home. It was hugely relieving to know that my whole family would be under the same roof and I could take care of both of my babies! Mack has been so sweet through it all- he has been so smiley and easy going for the past couple of days! It is almost like he knows Dean is sick and he wants to do whatever he can to make our lives easier. Dean is doing well- his coloring is back to normal and his appetite is getting back to where it normally is.

We are still keeping the boys separate until Dean is cleared from the doctor. I can't wait to let them play again and see how they react to each other after almost a week of being apart!! one of the perks of having twins c: 

love,
G

Motherhood Is Not For the Faint of Heart

What am I doing here- binge watching Gilmore Girls in a pediatric hospital room listening to baby Dean breathe?

Man, this RSV stuff sucks. 

He has been sick for a few days and we were managing it. Humidifier. Snot sucking. Sitting in the steamy bathroom. Snot sucking. Taking him outside to breathe in the cold air. Repeat. 

Mack had been sick the week before but the doctor said it was a mild case of croup and we shouldn't worry. So naturally I assumed that's what Dean had when he started showing symptoms. 

Then yesterday morning his breaths were so shallow that I just knew I needed to take him to the doctor. We drove to the urgent care and I pulled him out of the car seat. 

Oh my gosh, did I accidentally brings Mack?

No, no, I brought Dean. Whoo! The next thing I know we are called back to the office. Mental note to self: the wait time is significantly reduced when an infant is involved. 

The doctor did his thing and ordered some tests: RSV, flu, pneumonia. Tested positive for RSV, negative for flu, x-Ray showed pneumonia in his right lung. BTW-- Baby x-Rays are no fun. He was basically stuck in a tube with his arms above his head to keep him from moving during the procedure. I could live a hundred more years and be perfectly content never having to watch my baby go through that again. 

So with that wonderful diagnosis we set on a day's journey of going back and forth to the hospital's ROC (respiratory outpatient care) center. 3 times in less than 24 hours. Each time his stats were lower until this morning the doctor said his stats were too low to send him home. Thus Dean was admitted to the hospital. 

It's been a miserable two days on my end. I see my sweet baby suctioned out and strapped in and prodded. His eyes are red and he is so sleepy but barely gets any rest. He is hungry, I can tell, but can't breathe which keeps him from eating even a decent amount of food. So he is cat napping and snacking in a vicious 20-30 minute cycle. My headaches have been rampant (better now thanks to modern medicine) and I miss my husband (who is out of town on business until tomorrow). 

Rough rough day. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. 

I am so grateful for my mom, Emma, and Ashley Anne for taking care of Mack. I am grateful for the doctors and nurses who are taking such good care of Dean. I am grateful that Mack isn't in the hospital. I am grateful that baby Dean is being such a trooper. 

I just can't wait for him to get better. I can't wait for AJ to get home. And I've decided that once this whole experience is over- I am going to the spa. 

Much love,

G

The Chronicles of the NICU

10/21/2014

These past few weeks have been some of the most mentally, physically, and emotionally draining weeks I've had in a long while. They have also been the most joyful, fulfilling, and inspiring weeks of my entire life.

Our babies are now three weeks old! We had their second check up with the pediatrician last Wednesday and we learned that Dean is 6oz heavier than birth weight! Dr. B said he was a champion! We struggled in the NICU trying to get Dean to eat- due to the crazy strict schedule down there and the fact that the babes had to have glucose tests done before and after they ate, they were on an eating schedule of every 3 hours. Mack caught on to this schedule pretty quickly.... but Dean struggled. We tried nursing, SNS, and bottle feeding... and nothing was working all that well. With the bottle we were only able to get him to eat 10-15 (mayyyyybe 20) ml. Even with the IV, his glucose levels kept going up and down- toying with our emotions! 

For three mornings in a row the nurses would talk about how they thought Dean would be discharged that day. I would always get my hopes up and then feel a major let down when later they would tell me how his glucose had dropped into the low 30s again (the goal was to get his glucose stable at least @ 50). It is really hard to emotionally connect to a little tiny, fragile thing hooked up to IVs and machines. Cords running everywhere- I was always afraid I would pull something out! 

Both babies had this type of set-up... They got to share a twin room!

Honestly, the best thing I did to connect to little Dean was to do skin-to-skin. About halfway through day 2 of NICU, I asked his nurse if that would be allowed. It felt kind of weird with the wires running all over me, but we cuddled and I sang and he slept like a log. It really was a turning point for us- he started eating better and his levels became more consistent. It's not like he instantly jumped into the 50s range and was released from the NICU... But he began improving and was released just a day and a half later!  

Mack was easier to connect with. I think a huge part of it was the fact that he was born a pound and a half bigger than Dean. Even though he had the NICU wires, too, he was less fragile-looking and felt more solid in my arms. He also caught onto SNS pretty well, which allowed me to bond via nursing. SNS stands for supplemented nursing system- there is a syringe filled with milk and a long skinny tube that you place on your chest which allows the baby to "nurse" even though his muscles aren't really strong yet. You push the milk into the baby's mouth and he eats! Vualah! Since Mack was such a good eater, he was discharged from the NICU after two days- whereas Dean was there for four. 

In the hospital, the first night Mack was with us in our (hospital hotel stay) room, I had an emotional meltdown- we were told that we couldn't bring Mack back to the NICU room (our room was on level 3 and the NICU is on level 2), so we had to split duty on the babies. I stayed with Mack in our room while AJ hustled back and forth to be with Dean. The first time we were apart during eating time, I tried SNS with Mack. Trying to do that solo was near impossible... he was crying, I was trying, and I just felt so sad that I couldn't feed him on my own. I called AJ to have him come back from the NICU to help me, and so he came. He put the milk in a bottle and fed Mack while I cried and cried. oh, hormones... After an hour I was fine. 

The hardest part about the whole NICU/hotel stay room situation was that I didn't see Dean very much for the rest of the time he was in the NICU. On the last day that we were in the hospital, one of the hospital family services personnel ladies caught wind of our difficult situation and was pretty upset that we had been told that we couldn't bring Mack back to the NICU with us. Apparently hospital policy is that we could bring Mack back and forth as long as we used the back elevator. Our nurse must have missed that policy!! She promised us that she would hold a training to make sure that stressful situation didn't happen to another family. I am grateful that other parents won't have to go through that.

Anyways- on Friday, after 4 days in the hospital, we got to go home as a family! It was a very sweet moment as I walked past my favorite nurses and exchanged smiles and waves. I love being home and I LOVE that both boys are growing well... bring on the chub!! 

Dean and Mack

Leaving the hospital! 

Dean and Mack in their crib on their first night at home c: 

I Was Peed on Today

I was peed on today- something I have been planning for since the 20 week ultrasound gender reveal that told us we were having twin boys. 

I'm gonna get peed on so much! Was one of my first reactions: combine the cliche that baby boys pee a lot on their parents and then times that by two... I knew we were in for it! 

So I've been taking precautions. I get everything ready for the diaper change before I open it up. I unravel the new diaper, pull out the diaper cream, and get wipes out and ready. So far I've had great success! Two weeks in the clear- until about an hour ago. 

He peed on me that little silly boy! I hesitated for just one second before wrapping up the new diaper and he took advantage of my delay. C: 

I always figured I would get frustrated when it happened, but I wasn't! In fact I thought it was down right comical- I chuckled and said too bad I don't have a jellyfish sting! 

(Yes, I have been stung by a jellyfish and yes, there was pee involved to help the healing process before medicine was purchased.)

But I learned something today from this experience. I can be that mom. You know, the one who doesn't freak out if there's a mess in the kitchen. Or who will take her kids out in the rain to splash the puddles without worrying about how much laundry she'll have to do later.

The one who doesn't get mad when the her son pees all over her. 

I know there will be times when I am frustrated. I know there will be times when I need to discipline for messes and not following the general rules of cleanliness... But it feels good to know I can stay calm even through groggy eyes and a groggy mind.

Seriously:: they are too cute to get mad at! Maybe I just shot myself in the foot for the terrible twos times two! We will see.

Love, 

G

The Final Countdown

I'm going to cut right to the chase::
If these babies don't come naturally this weekend, I am going to be induced on Monday!!!

This news came as a total shock to me... I always knew these babies would come soon, but the reality of  Monday, Monday, Monday is kind of freaking me out.

Now, let me explain:

At my ultrasound appointment on Wednesday, the babies weighed in at:
Baby A- 6 lbs!!
Baby B- 5.5 lbs!!
Both babies are still head down which is glooooorious!

My sister, Val, came to the ultrasound with me! It was fun to share in that experience... these babies are so lucky to be coming into a family with so much love. Both AJs family and mine are so excited and ready to shower these boys with love and kisses! lucky boys!

After the ultrasound, I had an appointment with my OB.
Unfortunately- my blood pressure was a little high.... and I was feeling nauseated and light headed. So I was taken to the room to rest for a little bit.

Once I was feeling better (the teensiest tiniest bit better) Dr. K came in. He said that he had just finished looking at the latest research for my type of twins: mono chorionic something something... basically two babies sharing a placenta but separated by a membrane. The latest research says that it is best to deliver between 36-37 weeks- so that the babies don't start fighting over the food supply (and some other doctor-y reasons). 

That in addition to the elevated blood pressure led Dr. K to feel good about delivering these babies soon!!

Soooooooo... he suggested for me to be induced on Monday! 

I totally agree with him. I feel healthy and the babies are growing well- but I know that high blood pressure can cause problems. I had my blood tested for pre eclampsia and it came back negative -thank goodness! I would have been induced that day if I had pre eclampsia! 

I also trust my OB very much. He is knowledgeable and logical regarding medical decisions, but he also takes my views and emotional aspects into account. He always says, "This is what I would say as a doctor... But this is what I would say if you were my daughter." Most of the time the two suggestions are the same- but it is nice to know that he gives me all the options before I make a decision! 

SO- now we are really getting ready for babies! We thought that we were ready... But I keep thinking of things I have to get done! It will all be fine- and everything is coming together. 

I do find that I'm more nervous about being induced than I am about going into natural labor! I don't know exactly why- but it kind of makes me hyperventilate!

Well- I'm excited. Nervous. Happy. Sore. Swollen. Grateful. And all sorts of other emotions rolled up into one.

I'll keep y'all updated!

G

THE CURVEBALL WEEK: Week 34/35

So- at what I thought was my 34 week appointment, the OB said everything was looking great! He told me to schedule my follow-up appointments for the next few weeks. I went up to the scheduling desk and said that I needed to schedule my 35 week appointment. The nurse who was helping me during the appointment overheard me and turned around. She said, "No Grace, today was your 35 week appointment!" Apparently, somewhere along the line, my due date was changed from Oct. 28th to Oct. 22nd based on the babies' growth rate! WHAAAAAT!!! This is amazing news- because our goal was to make it to at least 36 weeks... and that is now just a few days away!

Other awesome things that happened this week! 
- BOTH BABIES ARE HEAD DOWN!!! Baby B has been breech since the 20 week ultrasound... but this week he decided it was time to flip around! I am so happy because two vertex babies means a higher likelihood of a smooth delivery! They could move around at any time... but they have stayed vertex this whole week-- so I have a good feeling about it! 
- The dippy bed problem has been fixed!! It turns out that the box spring was broken in the middle, which caused the mattress to sink in. We have been sleeping in the basement in my brother's room (he is on his mission) but now we can get all set up on the main-floor bedroom! YES!
- Going along with ^, I no longer have to waddle up and down the stairs to get to our bedroom!!
- This week I made a peanut butter hot fudge brownie sundae-- using the brownie mix we found at the store and my coconut ice cream! It was heavenly!! Talk about a satisfied craving.
- I went in for my NST (non-stress test) today and they found BOTH babies' heart rates on the first try!
- I finally have all of the 'thank you' cards mailed out! It feels nice to have that done before the babies come! Also, the new stamps I got are ADORABLE... they have birds on them. c:
- We attended the Ogden Utah Temple Rededication on Sunday! It was wonderful to hear talks from church leaders. I am so grateful that temple work is moving forward!
- Mama, Emma, and I got pedicures! The lady who was doing my pedicure was so incredibly sweet! She saw how swollen my feet/legs are and let out a sympathetic sigh. THEN she rubbed my feet for twice the amount of time that Emma's guy rubbed hers! It felt so wonderful-- I reclined my chair, turned the back massage on, and practically fell asleep!
- My family phone plan has an upgrade that I am able to use! It is awesome because last year I used my UPgrade to DOWNgrade to the simplest slide-to-text phone I could, hoping to save money on the phone bill. However, a month after downgrading the bill went up due to a new policy! And because of how lame the phone is- I can't take pictures or even receive multi-media text messages! I've missed out on a lot of family pictures and texting threads because of it. Also... when I receive a notification (text or missed call) it will BEEP every 30 seconds until I dismiss the notification! This beeping has woken me up in the middle of the night... and has just been plain annoying! So this new upgrade is going to be AMAZING!! I think my phone comes in tomorrow... just in time for the babies!



The one bad thing that happened this week is my iPad just up and died. AJ plugged it in yesterday to charge and when I went to get it hours later it wouldn't turn on! I've tried different outlets, used my dad's charger, and taken it in to the Apple store... but nothing is working!! The only thing they can do for me is to get a replacement... but that will cost a lot of money since my warranty was only for a year. I am super bummed out about it- because my iPad is the only computer-type thing I own. I have to use AJ's computer now when I want to check something. Hopefully it will spontaneously work again... or else tomorrow I will send it in for the replacement. What else am I to do?

c: 
Grace

Blessings from Week 33!!

Wow- 33 weeks down and it feels great! Here are some of the good things that happened this week!! 

- I was able to Face Time with my sister-in-law and her kids, Clara and Christian! Clara is 3 now and Christian is almost a month old! They live in San Diego- so we don't get to see each other very often. But talking with Ashley Anne is always awesome! Also, she has a ton of recipes to send my way... So that makes me happy! 

- AJ and I went to the Logan Temple- we sat outside and talked for a while. It was such a gorgeous day and it was wonderful to spend time communicating!! 

- My puppy Sookie likes to sleep in our bed-- I love that doggie! 

See her snout?

- Our very good friend Kasi French came over! We had such a fun day together! She helped us so much by getting the babies' room together! The clothes are washed and folded by size, the changing table is all set up with diapers and creams!! It is all coming together little by little. 

- While Kasi was here we had a fun movie night with Chinese food! It was so fun for us all to chill in my parents room and eat the different take out dishes! 

:: Speaking of food:: 

- We had some of my favorites this week! Peach pie, peach dumplings (peach anything), Japanese curry, hamburgers, homemade tomato sauce pasta... YUM!! I love food! 

- At the grocery store we also found cake and brownie mixes that I can eat! For those who know my allergies- this is a big deal! It has been amazing, AH-MAZING! 

- AJ made me breakfast every day this week! It allowed me to sleep in! YAY! I love my husband.

AJ is getting anxious for these babies to come! I love seeing how excited he is and how giddy he gets when the babies kick! He is going to be an amazing father and I am grateful for him! 

C:

Grace