Back in the day my friends and I had a loooot of food fights! We had pudding fights, sloppy-joe fights, egg fights, cake fights, ice cream fights, etc... Those days were so much fun and today for Family Home Evening with my ward we had a blast to Grace's past night in which we had a.... JELLO/PUDDING FIGHT!
It was so much fun; getting to shove pudding and jello into ward members' faces that you hardly know. I loved being able to let my guard down and have pure, untainted fun... it makes me crave adventure.
Though the real test is how you feel after the initial glee of lurching hand-fulls of pudding into the air aimed at the back of someone's head... the test is this: am I still comfortable with who I am though I am nasty, sticky, and smell of a mixture of vanilla/cherry/chocolate/lime? After the fight I hosed-off, swam, and then came home and showered... and immediately went back out into public though my hair isn't done and I don't have a trace of make-up on. Am I comfortable with myself without the mask of make-up? I think a year ago the answer would have been no in most scenarios. I would not have allowed myself to go out into public for fear of not being regarded as beautiful. My past definition of natural beauty was based off of the world's standards [you know- perfect skin, air dried hair that lays flat or falls curly, natural honey suckle aroma, etc...] but I think this summer I have learned a different definition of beautiful. This summer I learned that beauty is confidence. Beauty is a deep understanding that I am a daughter of Heavenly Father and everything about me is precious. Think about it like a huge hunk of gold recently mined: though it is not smooth around the edges- there are parts that jut out and pieces that seem to be dented in- no piece of the gold is less valuable than the rest of the mass. This dented and jutting piece of gold is the same value as a gold sculpture that has been smoothed and shaped. I compare that to each of us... we all have our dents and jutts, our faults and perks... but that does not make anyone more valuable or beautiful than another person.
This is a lesson my dear friend Kaja Pool [let me just say- one of the most gorgeous people I know] attempted to teach me in high school. I remember one day while hanging out in the hall after class I approached her with the question of how she felt comfortable wearing so little make-up. She only wore mascara- a thought that I felt was unthinkable! She told me that she didn't need a fake mask to think of herself as beautiful. Beauty isn't physical- beauty is personality. At that time I chalked up her answer to the fact that "oh, she can say that! she is just naturally beautiful- i could never pull that off in my life!" Well folks, I have! After my amazing summer of self-discovery [thank you Jared Workman and all of the other people that helped me figure this out] I am proud to say that I pull a Kaja almost each day. Sometimes I even force myself to leave off the foundation and earrings and walk out the door feeling slightly self-conscious; though after a few minutes I put a smile on my face and have learned to forget about my in-born womanly concern the thoughts of others and be comfortable simply being me.
I suggest you do the same! Sometime this week I challenge you [if you haven't already done so] to leave off the make-up... or to wear a baggy t-shirt to class... or to let your hair do its own natural thing. Leaving the house might be hard at first! You may feel pangs of self-doubt... am i beautiful enough to pull this off? The answer is a RESOUNDING YES! Beauty isn't beauty... it is personality. Stick a smile on that clean face of yours and show people that beauty emanates from inside. I bet if you smile and serve and let the light of the Spirit shine through- you will get a bunch of compliments. Compliments that don't trace back to the clothes you wear or the headband in your hair... these compliments will trace back to you. Natural, beautiful you. You might even change your definition of beauty.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Trial Turned to Testimony
Sometimes it just hits me... emotion, that is. Emotion just swells over me like a tidal wave and I am left standing in a crowded room on the verge of tears with nothing to do but bite my cheek and desperately pray that no one is watching. I run scenario after scenario through my head which helps me think of exactly what I would say when approached by someone... in my head I remain composed and calm while in reality I know that would never happen. I am such a bawl-baby... a trait I have had since I can remember; I am not ashamed to show emotion, I just wish that I could control my tear ducts.
In regards to this happening in a crowded room... sometimes it is even more embarrassing when it happens while I am in a room that only has a few people in it- why? because then I'm not simply some random girl and they always feel inclined or even obliged to ask me whether or not I am doing okay. I appreciate the thought each time, but sometimes I just wish I could be left to my own devices as a way to let the emotion subside until later when I am alone with a box of tissues and a loving roommates' shoulder to cry on.
So, as you can imagine, this happened today. I was informed of some big and potentially scary news about a friend which made me feel like a juggler that had been hit by a ton of bricks. I was scrambling to catch my manners, composure, language, and what felt like twenty other juggling-balls when literally 3 seconds later, I heard a knock on my door. I thought, oh shoot! i forgot i had been expecting company. I opened the door and managed to hold my composure through conversation for about 2 minutes before I felt moisture swell on my bottom eye-lid and my face begin to turn a slight shade of pink. Just as I began to think of a way to cover up the fact that I was crying my friend noticed something was up- I could tell because he furrowed his brow and tilted his head [concerned face]. I swiftly apologized and ran into Victoria's room where I said all too fast, "Victoriacomehugmeplease." She came over and I let a few tears fall into her shoulder before I felt my muscles relax; I knew then that I would be able to keep my cool though I was not feeling... cool.
Well, I did it. I managed to wimp my way through a couple hours before it hit me again and I felt the strong current tugging at me- forecasting another tidal wave. Each time this happens during a trial/event, in my life or the life of a loved one, I think how long will it take for me to not need an emotional vent every few hours? That depends on what happened; it may take a day, a few days, a week, a month, or even in terms of semesters and years. Sometimes the emotional outlet subsides to once a week or once a year, but that doesn't change the fact that I wish my bawl-baby eyes could handle it better. thank you, parents, for giving me this crying gene. it truly is fantastic c:
You know what keeps me going through it all- the stress and sickness and semesters of utter dirt? My Savior Jesus Christ and my loving Heavenly Father. Whenever I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on [which often, I do], I know that I can confide all things in the most loving Beings imaginable. I am so grateful that I am not asked to walk this life alone- though sometimes it feels that way. That reminds me of the footsteps poem- you know, the one with the man walking in the beach and throughout his life he can see two sets of footsteps imprinted in the sand. But there are times where only one set of footprints have been set in the sand. At first the man is hurt and he asks, in the darkest of times why did you leave me alone? and Christ responds, it was in those darkest of times that i carried you. I know that this is true. I know that I am never alone at any time of my life; when I am happy- my joy is doubled because Christ rejoices right along with me. But when I am sad or alone or afraid of the uncharted darkness ahead- I feel a burden lifted because I know, i know that God loves me and would never leave me with too much to bear. Though that knowledge doesn't change the physical trial... it changes my attitude about the situation and I am able to see my life brighter.
hmmmm... see, i'm feeling better already c:
I'm just a beginner, but I am learning everyday.
much love,
G
In regards to this happening in a crowded room... sometimes it is even more embarrassing when it happens while I am in a room that only has a few people in it- why? because then I'm not simply some random girl and they always feel inclined or even obliged to ask me whether or not I am doing okay. I appreciate the thought each time, but sometimes I just wish I could be left to my own devices as a way to let the emotion subside until later when I am alone with a box of tissues and a loving roommates' shoulder to cry on.
So, as you can imagine, this happened today. I was informed of some big and potentially scary news about a friend which made me feel like a juggler that had been hit by a ton of bricks. I was scrambling to catch my manners, composure, language, and what felt like twenty other juggling-balls when literally 3 seconds later, I heard a knock on my door. I thought, oh shoot! i forgot i had been expecting company. I opened the door and managed to hold my composure through conversation for about 2 minutes before I felt moisture swell on my bottom eye-lid and my face begin to turn a slight shade of pink. Just as I began to think of a way to cover up the fact that I was crying my friend noticed something was up- I could tell because he furrowed his brow and tilted his head [concerned face]. I swiftly apologized and ran into Victoria's room where I said all too fast, "Victoriacomehugmeplease." She came over and I let a few tears fall into her shoulder before I felt my muscles relax; I knew then that I would be able to keep my cool though I was not feeling... cool.
Well, I did it. I managed to wimp my way through a couple hours before it hit me again and I felt the strong current tugging at me- forecasting another tidal wave. Each time this happens during a trial/event, in my life or the life of a loved one, I think how long will it take for me to not need an emotional vent every few hours? That depends on what happened; it may take a day, a few days, a week, a month, or even in terms of semesters and years. Sometimes the emotional outlet subsides to once a week or once a year, but that doesn't change the fact that I wish my bawl-baby eyes could handle it better. thank you, parents, for giving me this crying gene. it truly is fantastic c:
You know what keeps me going through it all- the stress and sickness and semesters of utter dirt? My Savior Jesus Christ and my loving Heavenly Father. Whenever I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on [which often, I do], I know that I can confide all things in the most loving Beings imaginable. I am so grateful that I am not asked to walk this life alone- though sometimes it feels that way. That reminds me of the footsteps poem- you know, the one with the man walking in the beach and throughout his life he can see two sets of footsteps imprinted in the sand. But there are times where only one set of footprints have been set in the sand. At first the man is hurt and he asks, in the darkest of times why did you leave me alone? and Christ responds, it was in those darkest of times that i carried you. I know that this is true. I know that I am never alone at any time of my life; when I am happy- my joy is doubled because Christ rejoices right along with me. But when I am sad or alone or afraid of the uncharted darkness ahead- I feel a burden lifted because I know, i know that God loves me and would never leave me with too much to bear. Though that knowledge doesn't change the physical trial... it changes my attitude about the situation and I am able to see my life brighter.
hmmmm... see, i'm feeling better already c:
I'm just a beginner, but I am learning everyday.
much love,
G
Monday, August 22, 2011
Dear Maggie...
Dear Maggie:
You made me feel loved, thank you. You brought light into my dimming day, thank you- I was tired, hungry, and on the verge of grouchiness when you waved my shuttle van down. I remembered you from before because I had made a mental note of your tan floor-length skirt. You were so kind as you assured me that you didn't need me to get out of the van to help you get in. I saw a sigh of relief on your face as you sank into the seat cushion; soaking in the air conditioning. The conversation we had changed my perspective and I continue to strive to live closer to your example. Thank you, Maggie. I desperately hope we will meet again- then this thankful heart can rectify.
I doubt that the woman this post is inspired by will ever read this, but I couldn't stay away. So many things have happened in my life this past year that should have prompted me to post... but I didn't... oops. Then, on a busy day in a busy week, a woman most likely in her 60s made my day which prompted me to share my good fortune. This past Thursday and Friday I was able to work as a shuttle van driver for BYU's Education Week. I loved it. I met some of the most eccentric, loving, and gracious people I have ever met. [I also met the most pessimistic person and it made me feel very blessed and loved that I am able to see beauty all around me despite the grey nature at times.] There are a few people I met that stand out and deserve a shout out:
#1) Man from the South: Thanks for making me laugh and calling me "pretty lady."
#2) Young Mother: This may sound weird, but when you broke down in tears in the passenger seat, it was exactly what I needed. You felt the Spirit so strongly and were not ashamed to share that Spirit with everyone in the van... including me. I am so grateful that you were able to share with me the blessings of your life because you truly helped me recognize the blessings in mine. You make me excited to be a mother; to have a loving husband that will rush to my rescue during times of stress and much needed "mommy time."
#3) Young Girls: HAH! We laughed about the fact that I had been holding in my desire to "Slug Bug" all of the passengers in my van. Thank you for being a breath of fresh air and fun. It was nice not having to hold a professional air for a few minutes. You let me be myself in my most natural element, and I loved it!
#4) All the Women in my last trip: Ladies, ladies, ladies... you truly were my favorite van-full. I have often heard from women, "How come you aren't married yet?" typically said in a snide, accusatory manner... despite the fact that I just barely turned 20. You, however, said it in a loving and sincerely shocked way- one that made me wonder the same thing. I then received dating advice which I fully intend in using. Watch out, boys... I am armed and ready C:
#5) Handicapped Van: I stopped to grab a bottle of H20 and I saw someone struggling to fit a walker-contraption into a van. Naturally, I rushed over to help. As I did I was blessed beyond belief because I was able to meet 3 women with disabilities and one very patient caretaker. I almost burst into tears when I realized that you wanted me in the picture that was being taken. I got in and you grabbed my hand and made me feel so at home. This experience heightened my knowledge that I am in the right major and on the right path. I love you- I don't know you but I love you.
... Last but definitely not least,
#6) Maggie: I was about to go on break and I got the impression to make one more round for people... when I turned the corner to the MOA, I saw you waving your arms to flag me down. Those simple words when you stepped into my car, "Well, those other van drivers thought I was crazy when I told them I was waiting for a specific driver," made my night. You hopped in my van and we drove off, just the two of us chatting away like old friends. I love the way you spoke about the experiences you had been having at Education Week. You spoke in such a sure manner that I could never doubt you, well, ever. We talked about our lives; mine just beginning and yours well on your way. You are so kind and patient... your example taught me something very important on Friday: though it is important to beat traffic, get home, get to the next class, etc... it is equally if not more important to take time to make a positive impact in another person's day. I constantly get wrapped up in my busy schedule... my work, my school, my this and my that... but there is always time to shine a little brighter and watch someone else walk a little taller.
Thank you, Maggie.
I'm only a beginner- but I cherish my time to be learning.
You made me feel loved, thank you. You brought light into my dimming day, thank you- I was tired, hungry, and on the verge of grouchiness when you waved my shuttle van down. I remembered you from before because I had made a mental note of your tan floor-length skirt. You were so kind as you assured me that you didn't need me to get out of the van to help you get in. I saw a sigh of relief on your face as you sank into the seat cushion; soaking in the air conditioning. The conversation we had changed my perspective and I continue to strive to live closer to your example. Thank you, Maggie. I desperately hope we will meet again- then this thankful heart can rectify.
I doubt that the woman this post is inspired by will ever read this, but I couldn't stay away. So many things have happened in my life this past year that should have prompted me to post... but I didn't... oops. Then, on a busy day in a busy week, a woman most likely in her 60s made my day which prompted me to share my good fortune. This past Thursday and Friday I was able to work as a shuttle van driver for BYU's Education Week. I loved it. I met some of the most eccentric, loving, and gracious people I have ever met. [I also met the most pessimistic person and it made me feel very blessed and loved that I am able to see beauty all around me despite the grey nature at times.] There are a few people I met that stand out and deserve a shout out:
#1) Man from the South: Thanks for making me laugh and calling me "pretty lady."
#2) Young Mother: This may sound weird, but when you broke down in tears in the passenger seat, it was exactly what I needed. You felt the Spirit so strongly and were not ashamed to share that Spirit with everyone in the van... including me. I am so grateful that you were able to share with me the blessings of your life because you truly helped me recognize the blessings in mine. You make me excited to be a mother; to have a loving husband that will rush to my rescue during times of stress and much needed "mommy time."
#3) Young Girls: HAH! We laughed about the fact that I had been holding in my desire to "Slug Bug" all of the passengers in my van. Thank you for being a breath of fresh air and fun. It was nice not having to hold a professional air for a few minutes. You let me be myself in my most natural element, and I loved it!
#4) All the Women in my last trip: Ladies, ladies, ladies... you truly were my favorite van-full. I have often heard from women, "How come you aren't married yet?" typically said in a snide, accusatory manner... despite the fact that I just barely turned 20. You, however, said it in a loving and sincerely shocked way- one that made me wonder the same thing. I then received dating advice which I fully intend in using. Watch out, boys... I am armed and ready C:
#5) Handicapped Van: I stopped to grab a bottle of H20 and I saw someone struggling to fit a walker-contraption into a van. Naturally, I rushed over to help. As I did I was blessed beyond belief because I was able to meet 3 women with disabilities and one very patient caretaker. I almost burst into tears when I realized that you wanted me in the picture that was being taken. I got in and you grabbed my hand and made me feel so at home. This experience heightened my knowledge that I am in the right major and on the right path. I love you- I don't know you but I love you.
... Last but definitely not least,
#6) Maggie: I was about to go on break and I got the impression to make one more round for people... when I turned the corner to the MOA, I saw you waving your arms to flag me down. Those simple words when you stepped into my car, "Well, those other van drivers thought I was crazy when I told them I was waiting for a specific driver," made my night. You hopped in my van and we drove off, just the two of us chatting away like old friends. I love the way you spoke about the experiences you had been having at Education Week. You spoke in such a sure manner that I could never doubt you, well, ever. We talked about our lives; mine just beginning and yours well on your way. You are so kind and patient... your example taught me something very important on Friday: though it is important to beat traffic, get home, get to the next class, etc... it is equally if not more important to take time to make a positive impact in another person's day. I constantly get wrapped up in my busy schedule... my work, my school, my this and my that... but there is always time to shine a little brighter and watch someone else walk a little taller.
Thank you, Maggie.
I'm only a beginner- but I cherish my time to be learning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)